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I can’t say that I’ll never go to Taco Bell again…because that would be a lie. Like everybody else in the entire world, this is not my first experience with Taco Bell. My experiences with the food and the establishment have always been quite favorable.

But after ordering the $5 Box Remix at Taco Bell, my view on the restaurant completely changed. And, please, let me preface this. It was not the Taco Bell Franchise or the items contained within the $5 box that has resulted in such a poor review, but one punk-ass teenager that decided to pull a stunt:

It was a typical, quiet, late Monday night in the dorms when I decided to go “south of the border”. All my friends were studying for tests, and I was hungry for some 4th meal. I had seen the $5 Box Remix commercial earlier in the night and so I decided to make the trip to Taco Bell.

I should have been suspicious when I pulled through to the window after ordering. The freckled fuck that took my money had a giant grin on his face. He was up to something, I just didn’t realize yet.

Naturally, I gave him my money, and he handed me a bag, containing my $5 box, and a medium Baja Blast. I put the food in the passenger seat and headed back to the dorm (a good 15 minute drive).

When I arrived, I set the bag on the table and turned on some old 30 Rock episode on Netflix. I took a couple sips of my drink and reached into the bag.

Item #1: ah, the Crunchy Taco. A staple of the franchise. I devoured it without even thinking.

I reached into the bag again…

Item #2: Burrito Supreme! Such a delicious feast. It took me a tad bit longer to enjoy this treat, but finished it all the same

I reached into the bag a final time…

Item #3: Cheesy Double Beef Burr- (something was wrong…even before the burrito had left the bag, I could tell that the paper it was wrapped in felt different)

I removed the item out of the bag and it was obvious.

This was not the typical wrapping paper they put the Cheesy Double Beef Burritos in, but a crumpled-up page from a magazine.

Out of shear curiosity, I decided to unwrap my burrito.

Monumental mistake.

It took me all of 3 seconds to realize what my burrito had been wrapped in.

There, printed on the crumpled paper, was the photo of the most vile, disgusting vagina you have ever seen. This thing was so gaped open, I think I caught glimpse of the chick’s pancreas. This thing had jowels.  It looked like a bulldog had gotten into a jar of Miracle Whip.

I’m not sure where (or really, who) found this revolting image, but it had been wrapped around by Cheesy Double Beef Burrito!

Immediately, I started dry heaving.

I managed to grab my keys and high-tail it back to the taco bell. By the time I got there, the fucking place was closed.

I went back there the next day, and talked to the manager. I told him exactly what happened and described the kid who had given me my food, right down to his fucking gay-ass freckles. I gave the manager my number but he still hasn’t called me. (I don’t know if its because he doesn’t know who the employee is or if he even really cared about the situation.)

But I’ll go back to Taco Bell again. Maybe to look for the asshole who wrapped my burrito in porn, or maybe to grab a cheesy gordita crunch. Only time will tell.

Review by UHpinionist Drew G.

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